I had left a long tribute to my mother in law on this website awhile ago. Wanted to update you on her “recovery”.

I am so thankful to have Mom as my mother in law. She is a strong willed, spiritual, stubborn woman. Because of her having pneumonia starting Dec. 19, 2007, coming down with MRSA at the hospital, fighting both diseases at the same time caused her to not be hungry. Thus she began a downward spiral. When she was well enough to go to a step down program, she was there a week and had a heart attack.

Back to the hospital for 10 days and to the step down program once again. This time with DO NOT RESUCITATE, COMFORT CARE ONLY. Whew. That was scary.

We kids talked and decided that the doctors were wrong. If Mom could take some exercise then she should be given it. Her exercise program began with little steps - swinging of her arms, lifting of her legs - and this exercise wore her out big time.

The second week at the step down program, she was so bad physically that we slept with the cell phones on our bedhead thinking there would be a call during the night. PTL there wasn’t one.

On February 21, 2008, I was glad to report that Mom had eaten her first protein in over 9 weeks. She ate 3 good bites of chicken - chewed them up and swallowed them. She ate the first salad two days ago. She has taken 7 steps (helped by a nurse) from her wheel chair to the door and couldn’t make it back. But she did take 7 steps.   Our bodies need protein in order to create new cells, including those in our brain.  Mom’s protein level was extremely low.  So it is exciting that she is now eating some protein.

On our last two visits Mom asked where the cards were. It took me a moment to find a deck of cards. We played a game euchre and one game of pinochle. Today my husband is there with his Mom and they are playing gin rummy. Her mind isn’t as strong as it was and she wants to play cards in order to strengthen it.

I would not have believed this miracle if I didn’t see it with my own eyes. When she was sent to the step down program at Heartland, the doctor sent her there to die. She is living proof that God is still in charge of our lives.

Thanks for your prayers.

Respectfully,
Tobey Anne Craft

 Yesterday I had the opportunity of having lunch at a diner located on Route 23 N.   It was raining and cold outside. We rushed into the diner and looked for a seat. The place was full except for this one booth. My husband and I were seated behind a grissly looking man with matted hair.  I didn’t look closely at him, just in passing.

My husband and I ordered our food, ate it, sat there talking and then I began to really take notice of the man sitting in front of me. Suddenly I realized that he was either a homeless man or a very unclean man. As he scratched his head, I wondered if he had lice and had any of them jumped onto my husband.

Sitting there I began to see him through different eyes. I began to wonder what happened in his life that caused him to become homeless. Was it drink, drugs, out of work, fired from a good job, did he lose his home - all of these thoughts and more were going through my mind.

As my husband was standing in line to pay for our bill, the thought went through my mind that I should offer to pay for his bill in case he didn’t have enough money to pay for it.

I signalled for the waitress to meet me at the counter. I leaned over and quietly asked her if this man had enough money to pay for his lunch. Her reply, “You don’t need to pay for it. You see our manager allows him to come in and have one good meal a week. Thank you for your kindness.  We probably should make him leave for he has been here for quite awhile.”   As we talked about how chilly and damp it was outside, one of the waitresses  went over and refilled his cup of coffee.  He knew I was talking about him for he looked over at me and his eyes were filled with sadness, weariness and kindness.

I sat at the counter and began to be thankful for all that we have and for my husband being able to retire on a good income. We have so much to be thankful for and this man has nothing except the kindness of strangers. 

Perhaps one day he will return to his rightful place in society, working, living in a home, perhaps get married and have children, but for right now he was in the right place at the right time for he helped me change my way of thinking by just being there.  

How I chose to look at another human being is up to me: I can look with disgust or look with compassion.

 Tobey Anne Craft

http://www.tobeyscandles.com

Planning a funeral is never easy, especially when someone you love dies.  Planning a funeral while the individual is still alive is another thing.   My suggestion would be to plan their funeral while they are still alive so they can answer some of your questions, help decide what they would like to have, etc.

Let me explain.  Mom Craft is still living, 94 yrs young, heart: 30%;  kidneys: 13-15%; body fat: very low protein level which is way below level; very sharp minded; great spirit; poor body.

 Dawn, my husband and I had talked with Mom about funeral arrangements while she was still very healthy, living on her own and giving us instructions for what she would like to have when she died.  We were advised this week that we should think about planning her funeral and getting it paid for prior to her needing Medicaid to live out the rest of her life.  Thus began a journey of love.

Using these instructions as our guide, we planned her funeral yesterday.  We went to the “FAMILY” funeral home (family because The Craft, the Lowery, Cooperider, Wixtead, and Gorenflo have used the same funeral home for the past 30 years), sat down and began a long, frightning journey through books, etc. to find the right casket for Mom.

 What a journey!   After pouring over 2 books of caskets, we finally agreed upon one that we felt “looked” like Mom.  She is such a sweet woman, kind, generous, loving, tender hearted that her casket had to the “right” one.

Afterwards we started figuring out the funeral service.  They gave us two options - both terribly expensive.  Adding all the costs together, I saw the funeral director add another figure to the bottom with nothing written beside it.  I asked him what that amount was for. His reply, “taxes”.   Yep, the state gets their portion of burial.

After all the paperwork was filled out with our requests, copies made for each of us, it became time for Larry to write the check.  I noticed his hands were shaking.  It was so hard for him to finish this journey with this writing of a check. 

Prayerfully we won’t need to exercise these arrangements for quite awhile.  Each of us sees Mom in so much pain that we would like to have it over for her.  Only she knows when it is time and God will help her through it.

In the meantime, we are there for her.  Simply put, we love her.  Her dreams, goals and blessings goes out to all of her family.  She has always been our prayer warrior and now it is our turn to take up the prayer warrior title and pray for each member of our family.  Many of our family has been saved because of her prayers.

Tobey Anne Craft

http://www.tobeyscandles.com

(more…)

I apologize for not writing more about Mom in the last few days.  It has been a roller coaster of emotions, dreams, goals, watching and waiting to see if Mom will get better or worse.

For three days Mom showed signs of getting better.  By that I mean she was dressed, sitting up in a wheelchair, reaching for a glass of water and making it to her mouth, eating a few more bites of food than before, stating she would rather do it herself, watching her soap operas (she has not watched any TV in the past 6 weeks), desiring for us to push her around the facility in her wheelchair.

All-in-all, she exhibited signs of getting better.

Yesterday was different.  You would have to know Mom to know how independent, private and understanding a person she truly is.  Dawn, my sister-in-law, was watching television with Mom (for it was Mom’s soap opera time) when she looked over and Mom’s head was resting on the little table in front of her.  Dawn asked her if she was okay and Mom’s response went something like this, “you don’t even want to know how I feel.”

Her granddaughter, Beth and her hubby, Darin, brought their two children (Sidney and Colin) up to see Grandma.  Grandma just beamed at seeing the great grandchildren.  Since she is nearly deaf, she couldn’t understand all that was being said, however, those grandbabies made a difference in her attitude.  Sidney (girl) named after her Grandpa (Mom’s hubby) is such a blessing to Grandma.  We know that Mom loves all of her grandbabies, great grandbabies and great, great grandbabies.  There is just one child that strikes your fancy a little more than the others and for Mom, that is Sidney.

Later that evening, Dawn saw that Mom was getting tired and asked Mom if she would like to take off her housecoat and get ready for bed.  The nurse, who was helping Mom, stated Mom had nothing on underneath her housecoast.  (That is NOT Mom.) 

So we have our up days and our down days.  How much longer before Mom goes home to Jesus?  No one knows but God.

We are thanking Him for each day of her life and for all of the blessings she has brought into ours.

Tobey Anne Craft

tcraft@tobeyscandles.com